Never
by Witblogi
Summary: How had she not realized it before? Books can’t replace people studying and school couldn’t substitute for love. She started to cry for herself now as hard as she wanted no one cared. LEJP might be extend Oneshot please R&R thx!


Lily had finished her homework. She'd done all her homework for the week actually, she'd studied for non-existent tests, she'd done laundry and cleaned her entire dorm she'd even tried helping first years. But finally she'd run out of things to do, even Potter was too busy to fight with her.

She gulped audibly looking around the cozy Gryffindor common room she felt like she was going crazy. Her fingers scratched at her clothes her teeth working her bottom lip. Her eyes darted around the room for something ANYTHING to do. She scratched her head vigorously before her eyes saw outside.

It was pouring rain. It had been for a long time and as she looked out at the downpour she felt the aching hole in her begin to churn. She felt the need to get out of the stale warm air around her. Away from people, away form her thoughts. Anything to just be okay for a second, to let her need to do something slip away, to make her relax.

The feeling she could imagine, of the cool drops on her skin, was too much. She slipped over to the window trying to get it open. It's would budge no matter how hard she pulled. She beat helpless fists at the freezing glass it was a mere shadow of what lay beyond. That itch was coming back she had to do something. The window was too stuck and people around her were telling her she was mad from trying to get them to all catch their deaths. She gave a premature shiver and fled from the common room. The Hallways were a little better but she could still feel the imprint of the healing properties that the rain had.

Her breathing started picking up as she thought of it, it'd be gone that scratch she just couldn't reach would be quenched and she could be at peace she could be happy and alone and not worry anymore. Grades, crappy family, no friends, people fighting with her, being called an unpopular nagging bitch behind her back, the griping need to fit in. IT WOULDN'T MATTER! The thought was enough to make her pant.

She wrestled with the heavy oak door of the castle and finally got it to open. Upon feeling the cold moist air around her she took a moment to think of what she was really doing. A sickening nervous over whelmed her before the rotting and maddening urge ripped through her again. She gripped her head feeling words circling in her mind as every raindrop hitting the ground, with impressive force, echoed and pummeled her eardrums.

She ripped off her cloak and her sweater she wanted to feel this. Then she drove straight out; straight into the unknown. It was dark around her, cold and dark, but incredible. The rain found her sought her out and pelted her. She wanted it to stop but she couldn't move she knew she needed it far worse then anything in that moment.

She turned her face up to the heavens opening her mouth to taste the clear drops. She spread out her arms twirling as to really experience it. She took a deep breath of fresh clean air. Her lungs burned in the taste but for a second her internal storm was silenced. She felt like crying and screaming and laughing! It was gone. Finally she settled on a scream and so with another gulp of mountain fresh, she let her exhale caress her vocal chords in any ways it wanted just to force out all old stale words along with air out as fast as possible.

She screamed long and hard and when she finally couldn't any more she felt the first raindrop hit her cheek. She blinked turning her head back to face forward. She gasped as she felt a chill sweep along her skin. Her hair was soaked her clothes were soaked, the material clinging to her body. But what surprised her most was she was empty she had nothing left, no rage, no grudge, no feelings no emotion…a place to start anew.

She felt joy leak through her as she felt like crying from every icy bullet hitting her. She walked slowly back to the entranceway she needed to collect herself her things and her thoughts.

But by the time her heavy muddy feet got there she felt lonely. And Lily realized she was alone, no friends…no real family who loved her, no teachers who actually cared, no pets, not even a sad little plant for her to water. She hadn't wanted to feel _this_ empty! The rain had washed away all her false cardboard cut outs of a life and she felt more depressed then ever. Collapsing on the dry stone steps she balled up and covered her face. How had she not realized it before? Books can't replace people; studying and school couldn't substitute for love. She started to cry for herself now as hard as she wanted no one cared. As that thought sunk in she bawled out loud and ferociously, no one cared. Her shoulders shook her body shook she was probably going to die but no one cared so what was the point.

She took another shuddering breath trying to soothe herself it'd get better she was sure it would eventually. But her superior mind hacked through those false hopes and her chilling conscience assured her she'd just die alone one day and wouldn't be found for months. She began to sob again. Why her? She'd always been okay…okay…not happy.

She began to hallucinate a towel being wrapped around her she was sure of it. Why would a towel wrap around her? She tried to get a grip but noticed the yellow terrycloth really was on her shoulders. The comforting warm arm was there too rubbing her back. Finally she heard the rain's roaring dull in her ears.

" It's alright Lily, you'll be okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to but come inside and let me get you in some warm clothes okay?" a male voice, one she recognized even felt comforted by. She huddled further into the towel and leaned submissively into the other body.

Maybe someone might care.

She was gently led to her feet and the other gathered her belongings. He led her in taking her towel away before wrapping her in another even bigger dry one.

Lily didn't want to be away from them even for a second they were her only hope for a change, for a chance to reach out and be normal. He didn't mind and pulled his arms around her leading her. She didn't care where or why just to be held was sending messages through her that someone…cared.

She vaguely noticed she was in the Gryffindor common room. The body beside her sighed and turned her.

" Okay Lily, you can go now…go get into some clean dry clothes," he said his brown eyes trying to see if she was listening.

" N-no…d-d-don't l-leave m-me," she realized she was shivering and her teeth chattered together.

" I won't I promise, just go get into some dry clothes and I'll sit with you by the fire," he said and she nodded. She numbly went up her staircase and ignored the other girl's obnoxious inquiries. She changed quickly into some pajamas. She still felt sickeningly cold and went back down the stairs having grabbed her brush recognizing her hair was a mess.

Just as promised he sat by the hearth poking the flames up into frenzy. She noticed a pile of cloth beside him. Upon spotting her he grabbed the top layer something thick and brown. A jumper she recognized it as the one he wore most. She took it with a shaking hand and quickly let it devour her. The other cloth was, as she noticed sitting down, another towel. They sat beside each other but she still felt cold in the radiating heat of the crackling fire. She pulled his arm around her shoulders and he generously added to her plea by pulling her close, flush against his chest. She sat in his crossed legs and he pulled his arms around her body tightly. After a second or two he grabbed the other towel and gently tussled her hair with it caringly trying to dry her drenched red locks.

She felt suddenly drowsy at his gentle massage like caress. She just wanted it to continue and as if suddenly remembering felt the weight of her brush in her palm. Upon realizing she had it he did too and hesitatingly took it from her. He seemed to think a bit as she relaxed again before she felt him gently lift the brush to her scalp. He was trying very, very hard to be a gentle as possible in the straightening and untangling of her hair.

She was practically asleep on his shoulder when he finished and pulled his fingers tenderly through her hair. She turned to look up at him her last connection to life. James Potter looked completely beside himself with worry and concern as he looked back at her. His hair wasn't so dark today, for once it was kind of a burnt brown instead of a cold black, his eyes the same instead of a mischievous chestnut they were a warm tender chocolate. She saw the fire flicker in his round glasses and smiled faintly. The great James Potter's only weakness he couldn't see anything without those just as infamous glasses.

" Lily, are you okay? I can take you to Madame Pomfrey…I think maybe I should…you're still shivering…and I don't think you know who I am…you haven't hexed me yet," he said and she shook her head before hiding her face in his neck.

" Will you at least tell me why you were out there? You looked like you were about to be sick when you tore out of here and I heard your scream and I just had to come get you…are you all right? Was there someone else with you?" he asked tenderly trying to sort through her murky thoughts.

" No, no I'm alone…I'm always alone," she whispered her lips brushing against his almost fevered skin and he seemed to understand.

" Oh Lily…you aren't alone…I'm here, I'll always be here," he rested his head on hers and drew her in close again. Finally that empty feeling that had once been ridden with guilt and fear was beginning to fill again. What she'd been too worried to take before warmed her insides.

She didn't know he wasn't so obnoxious all the time. She didn't know that he cared about her that he might be sad if she was gone. As she closed her eyes her old mind's voice seemed to snake in warning her he'd use her like all his other nameless girlfriends and toss her away like everyone else had. Lily's eyes opened again as she silenced that voice for the last time, she knew that this meant something to him, something big, bigger then her, bigger then them together, it felt like that for her too.

She closed her eyes finally and relaxed completely.

" Don't ever leave me," she murmured against his collar and he nodded slightly.

" Never,"

* * *

A/N: So there it is I should e working on my other two stories but I can't stay away from Lily and James (I think I might have a sickness)

Do you like it? Please tell me what you thought; I was thinking maybe I'd extend it another two or three chapters if I got awesome feedback. So if you want to find out what happens next just submit a review (even if it's only one person! I'll still do it though more then one would make me way more inspired!) And I'll do my best!

If you are craving more of Lily & James right NOW! I have two other LEJP fics and feel welcome to read them

Until next time

Wit.


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